When Atlas Shrugged, Compassion Crumbled

"I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine." This is the creed of Ayn Rand’s 1000+ page novel, Atlas Shrugged. It was written in the 1950’s from a woman who had grown up in communist Russia, and the story focuses on the negative consequences of regulating capitalism and individualism.

The book was a page-turner – at times because I was captivated by the mystery of the story and fascinated by Rand’s ability to take me into a world where I rooted for the characters that I would hesitate to endorse in my real life. The other way it became a page-turner was that I ended up skimming past several 30-page monologues (or rants) that were redundant and, quite frankly, self-indulgent. Rand’s arguments are compelling and worthy of consideration, but they were also disturbing – particularly reflecting a worldview that promotes selfish ambition for the sake of happiness and denies the responsibility that we have to one another.

Rand’s words state:

My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute.

Atlas Shrugged is an upside-down world where acts of mercy and compassion are deemed sinful, and where selfishness and self-promotion are virtues.

I read this book through the dirt roads of Africa where the desert people of Marsabit are at the mercy of strangers to partner with them in the provision of water. I read this book in western Kenya where a thousand HIV-positive mothers, fathers and children are alive because of the life-saving drugs provided by PEPFAR (The President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief). I read this book in our nation’s capital as global forces gathered for the International AIDS Conference to protect those who dearly need it. And I read this book back in my inner-city neighborhood that is struggling through the implications of gentrification by the rich in the neighborhood of the poor.

I appreciate the novel’s warning against the destruction of society through communism. Yet, ultimately Ayn Rand’s story mocks the life I am committed to. She simplifies the world’s problems by suggesting that those who matter in the world are the ones who are the most intelligent, reasonable and powerful for their own sake. It is a “God helps those who help themselves” kind of worldview. I do believe in free markets and the rights of individuals. And I do not believe in handouts, and choose to model our work in Africa differently than traditional charity. But I do believe in the story of the Good Samaritan, and in the power of sacrificial love. Therefore, when Atlas shrugged, compassion crumbled.

The Friday Five: Ways to Defeat Jet Lag

After being back in the States for the last week, I have once again, overcome my jet lag. Here are five tips on how to defeat that awful jet lag. And yes, this photo is of me in Amsterdam on my way back from a trip last year. James was so kind to take this incredibly flattering photo of me.

1. Move to the new time zone immediately

As soon as I board the plane, I change my watch to match the current time of my destination and do my best to mentally and physically follow whatever my watch says, even when it feels contrary to what my body says. I eat when it's mealtime, sleep when it's bedtime and force myself to stay awake if it's daytime. It's a shock to the body, but you can tackle the jet lag quickly if you fight it immediately.

2. Arrive at night

The first time I flew to Africa, I landed at 6am. That day still goes down in history as one of the most painful experiences of trying to stay awake throughout that entire day. Ever since, I have chosen to land between 5-7p which allows me to simply get to my hotel, take a shower and go to bed. Same thing coming home, I try to land in Nashville no earlier than 4p to ensure that I only have to stay awake for a few more hours before being able to go to sleep.

3. Find a suitable sleep aid

Jet lag is nearly impossible to overcome quickly if  you continue to wake up at 3am and find it impossible to go back to sleep. A sleep aid allows you to ensure that you get the sleep that your body needs to face another upside-down day of jet lag. It's really important that you talk to your doctor about which medication is right for you for jet lag. I used to use Ambien, but it can be dangerous (just ask James about my hallucination experiences), so I recommend something less intense like lunesta, lorazepam or, some would say that melatonin works. But this is the most crucial thing I bring with me to Africa (second to my passport and malaria medication).

4. Get outside

Your body will adjust to the new time zone so much quicker when you spend your day in as much sunlight as possible. It allows your body (that is convinced that it's night) to be told by the UV rays that it is actually daytime. I have a much harder time adjusting back to the US in the winter because I am inside during the days when I return. In the spring and summer, I make sure to take long walks and sit in the sun as much as possible during the first couple of days upon my return. Exercise outside is a great way to help your body adjust.

5. Get Accountability

Whether it's a family member or a roommate, you need someone to help you defeat your jet lag. Left to your own devices, you will likely give in to the need to sleep at a time when it is least productive for your recovery. It's important to have someone who will make sure you wake up from your nap, who will keep you on your feet to stay awake through the hard moments and who will encourage you through the strange fog of crossed time zones.

What about you? Do you have any jet lag tips to share?

When Love Walked In

Love comes in various forms, and I am convinced that it comes mostly through the people around us. Many of you have been following the story of my friend, Kabale, who has been thriving as an HIV positive community leader in the desert of Marsabit, Kenya. She was recently diagnosed with throat cancer, and requires a $4000 surgery to remove the tumor, a cost that is unobtainable for those living in extreme poverty.  Even with significant generosity from Kabale’s friends and family, any offering would still pale in comparison to the amount of money required for such an operation.

On Sunday July 15^th, Kabale hosted her community gathering to raise support for her surgery. As expected, those who are closest to her came to offer what they could. Most of the 100 guests were members of HIV/AIDS support groups who had been impacted by Kabale’s leadership and courage to be the first person to come out publicly about her HIV status.

One by one, women wrapped in brilliant fabrics and men in sandals and traditional caps came with their offerings – some with 300 shillings ($3.75), others with 500 shillings ($6.25) and a few with 1000 shillings ($12.75) – all as demonstrations of sacrificial and joyful love for their sister and leader. It was a magnificent picture of the way community ought to live. And with that demonstration of generosity still came the reality of limitation of resource and geography.

As they sat in fellowship with one another on that Sunday afternoon - knowing that the money they had pooled together was not enough - a surprise parade entered in. First, a group of teachers who had worked with Kabale in a local school. Then, the leaders of her church. And then national staff of our partner, Food for the Hungry. And then the clinicians of the Tumaini clinic where Kabale serves as community advocate. And finally, a group of government officials came in.

This broad array of community had battled all odds and collectively raised 280,000 shillings ($3,500) for Kabale. And there in her home was proof that love had walked in. I spoke with our friend Zachary, who was there that Sunday, and asked him if this is a normal occurrence for someone who is in need of significant medical support or if it was unprecedented.

“No,” he said, “this does not happen for everyone.”

So, why did it happen for Kabale? “Kabale is our hero,” he said. “She is the one who has given the people here hope for life. The school, church, government and hospital all know that their services have been successful because of her leadership. We all need her.” Blood:Water Mission (and many of you) have made an offering to ensure the rest of the expenses are covered, because she is our hero, too.

Today is the day of Kabale’s surgery. She is deep on my heart, and on the heart of so many others. May God be with her through the operation, and may she feel the prayers and love from all of us.

Founder's Syndrome

Most founders don't want to talk about. Many founders aren't even aware of it. But all founders of nonprofits will be susceptible to it at some point in time. It is a condition that has been appropriately, though somewhat painfully termed, Founder's Syndrome. It is a difficult condition for all involved parties, especially if everyone but the founder knows that it exists.

I am a Founder's Syndrome survivor. I have fought internal and external battles to ensure that I overcome it.  It is not a favorable condition, and it is not an easy one to admit having, nor to be cured of.

I don't have children, but I  have birthed a vision into the world to empower communities to work together against the HIV/AIDS and water crises in Africa. Since the age of 21, I have poured everything, and I mean everything, that I had into ensuring that the vision could become a reality. It was a 24/7 kind of job that didn't sleep, and so neither did I. It felt incredibly sacrificial and was genuinely satisfying. Whatever it took, I gave what I could. It defined me, it filled me, it fueled me and it guided me.

Like those who I have seen raise their children, there comes a time when the differentiation of child and parent happens. We all know that it must happen, and it is best for the child and hopefully ultimately for the parent as well. But the process is painful because it feels like a part of you is being cut off. The living, breathing, vibrant part of you. You are still the child's parent, but you have to start letting go.

About two years ago, I began a conversation with my board about Founder's Syndrome and ensuring that we, as an organization, are aware of its implications especially as we are growing. We have been on a slow and healthy process of taking the training wheels off. We have rotated off all of our founding board members after they faithfully served two terms of three years each, and have invited new voices into the board room. We have hired employees who come with new energy, different perspectives and a wealth of experience. We have spent a lot of time re-defining my role and Jars of Clay's role in ensuring that it aligns with the future growth and vision of the organization. There is inevitable grief involved as you watch your small start-up grow up, and as you continue to hand off responsibilities to people who can steward them better than you. It is humbling, difficult, painful even.  And yet, it is incredibly gratifying. And it is the right thing to do.

I am blown away by the quality of people who are serving this mission across Africa and here in the US. I am honored to have such an incredible team and, as a result, a very promising future for this mission. I am confident that if I had not made the conscious decision to let go and let others in, we would not be tasting the fruits of flourishing growth like we are today.

For anyone who is a founder or working with a founder, I highly recommend a resource provided by Board Source called Moving Beyond Founder's Syndrome to Nonprofit Success. For founders, may you find the courage toward self-awareness and change. And for those working with founders, may you give grace as they move through it.

The Friday Five

As the International AIDS Conference wraps up today in Washington, DC, here are five memorable voices from my time there.

1. Ibubetaylor,  13-year-old girl from Nigeria

I was born HIV free. Thank you, Mom. I don't understand why other children are born with the virus and why they are still without treatment. I want all children to be born just like me, free of HIV. Please let us make this world an AIDS free generation.

2. Dr. Jim Kim, President of the World Bank

The end of AIDS is actually something within our reach. My pledge to you is that the World Bank will work tirelessly to drive the AIDS fight forward until we win. Strong partnerships with civil society that delivers results for the poor will be a signature for my service with the World Bank. 

3. Annah Sango, 24-year-old HIV positive woman from Zimbabwe

We are getting tired of repeating ourselves. Why do so many of the same old problems still exist in women and girls accessing the treatment and care that they need? Why are women still marginalized in terms of resources? Why is there failure in speaking out against violence against women? HIV thrives when gender inequality and poverty combine. Include us in this conversation. 

4. Bill Gates, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation

Even if you take the most efficient way at doing this work, the number of people will increase in who needs to be on treatment. There [currently] aren't enough funds. The world will have to make a decision on how much these lives matter.

5. Pernessa Seele, CEO and Founder of The Balm in Gilead

Ask God to give us courage to uphold the spiritual law of grace, amazing grace. And this amazing grace is for EVERYONE. That God's grace is present in everyone and for everyone. Our ultimate partner is the one who has called us to do this work. Calling is to manifest wherever we are amazing grace. And that amazing grace flows for everyone everywhere. 

The Tapestry of Broken People

This week I walked through the Washington DC convention center filled with people who didn't look like they belonged to one another. Millionaires in business suits. Students in jean shorts. Women in saris and sandals. Muslims with head scarves. Gay men with AIDS ribbons. African bishops with collars. Politicians, NGO workers, musicians, rabbis, children, doctors, journalists, sex workers, pastors, scientists. There were more than 20,000 people from every corner of the world who convened together because they actually did have something in common: fighting AIDS.

HIV/AIDS has devastated our world. It is the cruelest of plagues that mocks the immune system, breaking it down so that it cannot survive basic infections that a healthy immune system could naturally fight. Worse than that, it carries with it a social stigma that most HIV positive people would claim is more personally and emotionally excruciating than the actual physical effects of the disease. The virus has taken millions of mothers, fathers, children and friends and has left a continent of orphans in the rubble of loss and grief. There is no current vaccine and there is no cure.

And yet, there has been so much progress since HIV/AIDS entered our human world 30 years ago. Today, HIV/AIDS is no longer a death sentence. It is a chronic disease that can be managed with the proper treatment, care and support. Today, an HIV positive woman can prevent passing the virus to her baby. Today, many people living with HIV/AIDS can be open about their status without being ostracized by their communities. Today, it is completely reasonable to believe in achieving an AIDS-free generation. This is REMARKABLE.

We are at tipping point in the fight against HIV/AIDS and we cannot back down. There are still too many people who do not know they are carrying the virus; too many people who don't have access to the life-saving drugs; too many girls and women who can't protect themselves from sexual violence; too many nations that have backed down in financial commitments to the Global Fund; too many fears by people who struggle to move past judgment.

Because HIV/AIDS affects the physical, social, emotional, spiritual and economical health of a person and a community, the fight against HIV/AIDS has required scientists, activists, corporations, development workers, philanthropists, healthcare providers, economists, congregations, and many, many others. They are as diverse as they come. Some of them have been working toward the end of AIDS since it first showed up 30 years ago. And some of them have recently joined the fight with fresh energy and passion. Some of them HIV positive. Some of them HIV negative. All of us HIV affected.

And as oddly matched as we all may seem, it is a beautiful tapestry of broken people who are bound by a relentless commitment to reach the end of HIV/AIDS; and I am so proud to be one of them.

The Friday Five

Here are five photos to share for the week: 1. Marsabit District is populated by pastoralists who move around the desert of northern Kenya. The curved branches on the camels assemble into a dome, and they lay materials over the structure to create their homes.

2. AIDS Support Group in Torbi, Kenya. The woman on the very far right in the blue dress and gold earrings is Clara, our fearless leader and nurse who ensures that those who are HIV positive are receiving proper care and support.

3. Paloma Grace, our 4-month-old niece has made it strongly through an open heart surgery and another follow-up surgery. We are overjoyed to see photos and hear that she is thriving.

4. The Sound of Music (well, kind of). The wonderful group I traveled with to Rwanda all agreed that one of our co-travelers, Susan, looked and acted just like Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music. We had just finished attending a special Rwandan celebration (note the lime green dresses) and went to Lake Burera for lunch. We had Susan, a guitar, a scenic background and "play clothes" and therefore couldn't resist staging this photo.

5. Community Health Visits in Lwala, Kenya. The woman in red is Lilian, a new mother of twins. The woman in the back is Sheila, the community health worker who has supported her through pregnancy, delivery and post natal care. The baby in the picture is Godfrey.